On Second Thought…

At age 20 back in’76 a Female coworker knew my Mother back in the 60’s and asked if I was still cd’ing? Sure I replied, so Racheal explained that there was a Male Feminist support group within the fledgling NOW, National Organization of Women. Racheal who had lived in the burbs and was head of her Female Led Marriage told me that she and other Mothers within NOW regulated their marriges as well. Including their sons in clothing and toy choices normally reserved for girls as per the teachings of Gloria Allred.

Racheal thought I’d fit right in so I called NOW’s Male Feminist support group and found myself welcomed and volunteering the following weekend. I didn’t know that there were so many weak males like me alive! And even one of the Male Feminist members seemed to be playing the role of secretary for his Feminist wife taking steno as his wife dictated letters to him. The couple was from N.Y. City and it was usual to find them every Saturday at the NOW offices in D.C., wearing matching ladies pants suits and similar short curled hair style.

It was great to enjoy the freedom of Feminine expression, while contributing to helping Women overcome way more patriarchy, then we have these days. Though having spent time actually in service to Women through NOW until 1982. It was was a very different less confrontational scene within the Feminist movement. Back then all civil rights movements welcomed support from anyone with open arms. If you were white and joined the rainbow coalition they were smart enough to desire that their public face contained a few white ones regardless of gender.

But in recent studies of existing Feminist groups these days both black and white. Not only are they segregated amongst themselves. But in their newly adopted Lesbian lifestyle males aren’t allowed membership at all! Honestly Feminism isn’t the only civil rights I’ve been involved with. From 2008-2010 I demonstrated alongside an LBGT military legal group that eventually assisted overturning don’t ask, don’t tell.But frankly while doing so I came there to work, I don’t give a rats ~~~ what the next jerks sexual proclivity is?

Sexuality however seems to be the important yet immature topic of Feminist organizations these days. Gloria Allred never once advised selfishly running from straight relationships hiding from obvious responsibility. Why? Because if Feminism is to truly flourish and become mainstream in the future. Males must become indoctrinated and tamed into Feminism.. This will never be realised if we all decide to hate men and become lesbians.

We crossdressers are seen as mere perverts, but are we? We believe more in G. Allreds teachings than most Feminists who seem scared to graduate to radical Feminists. Ms. Allred taught that if little girls were given one less tea set and one more Leggo Erector Set. And if little boys were shorted one less toy gun, and given one more doll. That the two future genders would finally realize true equality. Yet the millenial Feminists have either forgotten Ms. Allreds words, or believe  she is as much a pervert as the average male crossdresser?

Cross dressers are the living evidence Feminists need to prove not only Feminisms basic beliefs, but those dictated by Ms. Allred. Regardless Feminists continue obliviously stroll down the road waiting for the next sister to do all the work. So these days while I believe  in Feminism I think on second thought I’ll pass. There’s no strength of thought, no heart, no true believe in Feminism left.. In the end it’s all about sex, which will never be enough to float Feminism’s boat inyo the long range future….

It’s Called Parenting…

I ‘d like to share a little of my past crossdressing (cd) experiences to arrive in the present with what is to me, a profound question regarding the future of Feminism. From 1959-66 my Mother and on very rare occasions my big Sister enjoyed dressing me in their clothes. No conjecture nor fabrication needed as those memories are very old, so what little I recall is sketchy but true.

It all started with my Mother putting a little Mother Daughter apron on me, teaching me to dust little cups knick knacks etc, on her miniature hutch. As time and northern VA residences changed, so did my conditioning. I was a bit over protected, climbing tree’s, riding bikes, and even toy “Tonka” trucks were forbidden for me to play with. Mom told me these were all noisy big boys toys, while handing me her gorgeous black oriental motiff jewelry box said, “here Robbi this is what little sissies like you play with”…

I’ve always been a little too submissive, so I accepted Mom’s decision as final. Standing up too  her formittable will was a painful option. It was way easier to simply believe that Mom knows best. She could see as we progressed together that I was on another occasion fascinated with a red summer skirt of my Sisters that Mom was ironing. She stopped ironing it and asked if I wanted to wear it? Can’t recall my answer but next thing I knew Mom was buttoning up the rear closure on me. As she gently coaxed me into submission. “You can be Mommies little sissy if you want Robbi? It’ll be just our secret, ok?”

My Father a VA National Guard Radar Tech was gone days sometimes weeks at a time due to the cold war and a ring of Nike nuclear missile sites surrounding D.C. in those days. The only person Mom feared was my Korean war veteran Dad whose temperment was to say the least, volatile. Feminizing his first son would have gotten Mom seriously hurt if not worse so our secret must remain so at all costs! To further complicate matters it was discovered by 2004 that Dad was having sex with my Sister which according to her, my Mother was at least partially aware of. Which would explain her vindictive actions with me.

Anyway as the cold war heated up Dad was gone for ever longer stretches and both Mom and I began relaxing with our relationship. That red skirt became my favorite that blouses and angorra sweaters were added too. Along with being schooled in all the domestic chores normally reserved for my Sister while she was in school. Mom also seemed influenced by a neihborhood little boy always running around outside in his moms clothes. Because soon I found myself outside helping Mom hang up laundered clothes on a clothes line, half dressed like a girl.

Mom told me the little sissy boy next door wore painted nails so I needed to learn how to paint mine. I recall her telling someone over the phone one day, that “Brenda (my sister) shoulda been born the boy, and I shoulda been born the girl.” I actually accepted my life and was happy with Mom calling the shots. On one occasion when I didn’t, she bent me over as she pulled my skirt up and whiped me with her belt. Saying “you’re just a little sissy, now act like a girl!!”  As I was beginning to learn Mom was getting bored and her tear drenched day time drinking increased.

One day while making my Sister’s and my beds I became distracted with all my Sister’s finery hanging through the open door of her closet. I moved closer fascinated with all the different colors and fabric choices. Suddenly Mom was behind me sorta spread eagle shoving me further into the closet. She whispered in my ear, ” show Mommy what you’d like to wear little sissy?” I recall trying to back up and maybe free myself, but to no avail… “Answer Mommy Robbi, show me what you wanna wear right now!”

I have always been a sucker for red, so I reached up and tugged at a red plaid, pleated parochial school jumper of my Sister’s, with it’s cute bright red side zipper. Mom roared with Feminine laughter as she spun me around to face her. “You wanna wear a dress?! You really are a sissy aren’t you?!!” I trusted Mom implicitly, and her tone was demeaning so I tried to make a break for it as tears rolled down my face. Mom was faster and caught my ear easily reigning me back to face her as she got down on her knee’s.

Her tone instantly softened as she hugged me. “It’s ok for you to wear a dress if you want to Robbi? You’re a sissy, you’re supposed to act like a girl, remember?” she reminded me. I  offered little resistance to having the scratchy woolen jumper pilled over my head, and it’s tight zippered imprisoning me in it. I knew from past Feminine conditioning with my Sisters skirts that wrinkles weren’t allowed while attempting to sit. So I asked Mom how I should sit in my new jumper? She told me “the same way I taught you to sit in a skirt little sissy.”

However because of the wool and it was a little tight on me, I complained about it’s scratchiness as I was trying to sit to please Mom’s judgmental eyes. Without a word Mom abruptly grabbed my arm and pulled me from the coach back to my Sisters room I shared with her. She pulled the jumper back off me, telling me not to move. “If you’re gonna wear a dress, you might as well get use too wearing girl’s underwear!” None of Brenda’s training bra’s would fit me which Mom grumbled she would buy me one. But the rest of my Sister’s old panties and slips fit and later became my hand-me-downs.

The soft girls under things made the jumper comfy, as Mom also added a white Peter Pan collar blouse to the outfit, finally zipping me tightly in it once again. I recall politely asking permission to take the dress off, but Mom told me that it didn’t matter what I wanted at that point. “It doesn’t matter what you want Robbi! I’m tired of seeing you in that same old red skirt! If I decide that you’ll wear a dress, then that’s what you’ll wear everyday from now on, so just get use to it!” 

And indeed I did… There was only maybe three of my Sister’s dresses that would barely fit me as I was chubby and Brenda was not. But my Mother religiously put me in one each day as long as Dad worked and Brenda went to school. The dresses inevitably led to my instruction in the proper application of make up and lipstick, a child’s wig which I was told I would wear until my own hair grew long. And ending by the graduation of my name being elevated from “little sissy” too “Sally Anne”.

However one day after being bathed, dressed as Sally Anne and finishing my chores as Moms little helper. Mom was intoxicated and she neglected to undress me before Brenda got home from school. My Sister began crying that I was “stretching her clothes” and of course the party ended when she told Dad about the incident. My parents had a knock down drag out fight that night which of course Mom lost… Brenda was kinder to me in years after that dressing me in her clothes on rare occasion and teaching me how to play with her new Barbie Doll…

My Mother abandoned me after that, as I had become the monster that she created but just might get her killed? She finally admitted duplicity in 2006, leaving me lonely in a sea of sharks. As my father embarked on a strict regimen of masculine training intended to masculinate an already feminized soul, damage done, no turning back…

This brings us to my profound question I wrote of in the beginning. lots of millenial parents these days have supposed “transgendered” kids. Who mysteriously know they are really members of their opposite gender by age 2? Also supposedly we are to believe they are put on hormones by age six with the supposedly innocent parents looking on like. “Hey what can we do? It’s my kids decision!

Or is it? Firstly no child knows fully what they want at that tender young age. I didn’t, can you say you honestly did? Secondly after surviving in the shadows of a overly manipulative Mother,  who denied her actions and abandoned me. How do we know “transgender” kids were in no way influenced by selfishly motivated parents. While I believe in Women and feminism. Mothers have a slippery way of causing damage then in a veil of tears claiming innocence, which everyone buys hook line and sinker!

By shirking the painful decisions of parenting they are unashamedly condemning their TG child to a life of lies! Am I speaking an untruth? Think about it… A MTF TG child may be given hormones so they develop as their opposite gender through puberty. Then once on the sliding board, they’ll likely opt for SRS as teens. And everyone lives happily ever after right?

No wrong… Now the girl that is really still a boy eunuch will marry some hapless guy, who may want to be a father? The question is will the “TG  fake woman” be honest enough with the man to reveal the truth to him? Or will both be seen on the six o’clock news? Wake up millenials it’s not a video game, it’s real life! It’s called parenting, a big responsibility….



Gender Role Reversal and Feminism

I’m not a writer or any other so called “professional” my audience. Simply a 60 year old everyday person in all ways save one. I have spent 55 of those years as a crossdressing product of a strong willed, strict Mother, and a free spirited, independently thinking  Sister. By today’s standards I would be considered a victim of child abuse. Although maybe not? These days parents, especially mom’s seem to be allowing 4 year olds to determine their own gender pathway at such a young and inexperienced state of life.

In short order as a child I was indoctrinated in the believe that Women are to be admired, respected, and obeyed. This is obviously a great moral value to teach a child. But considering the social expectations of manhood, my marriages have all wound up ruined. Because Women also have to fulfill their socially imposed gender roles, which don’t include weakish whimpy men like myself.In fact women can only fulfill their assigned gender roles, by ensuring that the macho bad boy that she becomes enslaved too, is also blindly fulfilling his role too..

While one side of me believes both genders should be feminists. Simply because both genders would enjoy relaxed gender role expectations, and thus a happier life.. For example why should my wife be, my wife? My beloved wife earns more $$ than I, is way smarter, and far more educated. I’m always asking her consultation on all manner of topics and problems big and small. One might think that my wife would feel honored, and complimented by my need for her intelligent input?

Quite the contrary however. My wife see’s herself as “my wife” and believes most decision making is “her man’s” job. When clearly from my perspective my role should be as her wife! As she is emotionally stronger, and far better qualified to be the decision maker and husband in our marriage. Sadly my wife doesn’t view herself as empowered enough to take the reigns of leading our relationship from me. Even though I’ve literally begged to surrender them too her for 19 years now… This is why the other side of me very sadly believes Women are way more likely to reject Feminism, than are men.

Women are the educators, Sunday school teachers, organisers, etc. that keeps society safe, and civilized. Why would they want a Feminized society when they can lean on men for that level of security? Perhaps I’m mistaken as I’ve no facts to back this up? But there’s a growing number of men like myself, I sense. That simply aren’t seeing the social nor personal benefits of  patriarchy. I believe Women know best which direction to set our social sails for the future… The unanswered question is, do they??

Rob Milliken